Finding Home Again
Everyone keeps asking me how we are settling in, and I have to admit that I’m feeling guilty got not writing a sweeping love letter to our new home. I’m still looking for where the light comes in.
There are empty walls and empty frames, some still showing off TJ MAXX price tags. Crammed closets. I got a rug for my bedroom (a luxury I never allowed myself before. Lexie’s bike is at the foot of her bed until we can find a home for it. Emily’s housewarming gift (a collage with the words “safe and sound” stamped on the bottom) was the first thing I hung up. I bought myself a lounge set and had a martini by candlelight, trying to conjure up the feelings of warmth I’ve been missing.
The move in 2022 was a call to create “home” inside myself and our last residence was a grand, fresh start. This place feels like a holding area…An in-between…Another outward manifestation of what’s inside. And as I write this, I realize I’m not caring for it in the way I should be - with tenderness and love. My attention has been so focused on the future, that I’m dismissing what’s here, now. Most of us treat the present like it’s something we need to get through, but the present is the only place life exists.
I planted the seeds and I need to stop digging them up to see if they are taking root. They are. I don’t have a garden anymore, but that doesn't mean I’m not growing things. The pots put front are full of herbs, and the flowers are coming back after the massive heat that killed them off. Pretty soon it will be big blanket and couch time again. The house will be warm, the candles will burn, and the wine will be poured. I’m going to enjoy iy before it passes.
I hope you make your way here and enjoy it with me.
